Well, this is something of a departure from my normal stuff, but I feel the need to talk this out to myself.
Well, the relationship started about a month ago, we had talked a couple of times prior and she had come across as nice, and her being cute didn't hurt either. So, I attempted to ask her out. I was bad at it, bumbling and all that jazz. That was more understandable because I hadn't asked anyone out in something like seven years. I wasn't in a relationship during that time either, I just wasn't actively looking and nothing just popped up. But, we had a nice talk while we waited for her mother to come pick her up.
Then we had some scheduling issues, given that she was moving but about a week later we managed to go have dinner at a local sushi place. We had a nice talk, and I enjoyed myself. On the way over we passed a Hobby Lobby, so we stopped on the way back to help her find stuff to decorate her room. I like being helpful, so I didn't mind stopping but Hobby Lobby doesn't really have much that appeals to me. And, I'm not saying that I was the only guy in the store, but if that store was representative of the US population then there would be a professional quilting team named the Kansas City Bros. Needless to say, I was less comfortable there than I had been earlier. About an hour into the thing I exhorted her to make a decision between two thing, and she quipped that I didn't want to be there. Yeah, I wasn't getting as much out of the shopping and I was not all that excited about being there, but that wasn't what I was saying. All in all, I was fine with how things had went.
The next time we hung out was me helping her with an Excel Spreadsheet project. It wasn't really hard, but it was big and really detail oriented. Again, I don't mind helping out some time, but this was literally the most we ever hung out. And we did it all at her place or in a club area that she had membership in, but I didn't. So, there was a lot of stuff going on in her space, and I was not comfortable in that space. But I still had a lot of hope, over the weekend we finally had another date scheduled, as most of my suggestions thus far had been unacceptable for some reason or other.
A friend of mine was having two pieces of art shown in the High Museum of Art in Atlanta as part of their college night. Over the course of the week, I got myself worked up about it. Finally, it's be my thing in a space that I'm comfortable with and I'd really be able to gauge how things are going. So, I ordered the tickets early, and arranged everything beforehand. But, the day of she called and cancelled because she was coming down with something. She was, but that didn't change the fact that after a week of hyping myself up the whole event felt... anticlimactic. I went, talked with my friend, and saw a gallery of Frida Kahlo and had a reasonably good time. But the other events for college night: Samba dance classes, crafts, and the like would have been perfect. So, I was a little disappointed.
When we talked two days later, I didn't really hide the fact that I was a little disappointed, but I didn't express why all that well. So, she said that she didn't think that dating was a good idea. I didn't fight the break up, because I still had the feeling (right or wrong) that the relationship thus far had been unfairly one-sided. I don't doubt that I handled a lot of it wrong, and that I have some confidence issues, but I don't think that it would have panned out from my current perspective. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, however.
Well, now I guess I'm back where I started more or less. Still, I'm thinking that it has taught me that I need to practice and put myself in situations where I ask women out more often. A long hiatus and timidity has served me poorly.
